jenny_gould

I hate hitting my head. No real reason, other than a messy crowded house. My legs go from under me too easily.

No courtesy car
No job
damaged social network
few decent clothes
No loving partner

But I am still alive.

My 'new' car lost control this morning. I managed to steer it into a large blackberry bush, not flip it over into the nearby field. Nightmares of crashing and rolling last night = WTF. So, no car. BUT Its fully comp and with a courtesy car to be arranged on Monday!

I have been blogging quietly elsewhere. My writing style is unfettered by such considerations as grammar, accuracy and fairness. I had a weird, messed up road movie couple of days. It will make a great tale.

Now my house is no longer being filled with junk by two hoarders, its possible to start clearing it out. There is a lot of work to be done before I can properly extract my life. I am looking for work and getting my life back on track after a very long time of sub-optimal existence.

I had another hoospital test, and my insides are not killing me. Just rebelling against the stress I am in. They took samples to see if its allergy related.

Using the computer too much. In fact, coherent or not, I have about ten pages written into my notebook today. Mostly (well almost entirely) venting how I feel. That being, sitting in front of computers destroyed my life. I achieved nothing much from it. Talking to real people is what we all need, that and hugs. Noone fixed the world by reading depressing news, as its just too depressing. Its not even like its new, most of it. The facts were there, years upon years ago.

If we are going to fix the world, we need to just carry on, the same as it ever was. Not some many more new clothes that you don't know what to do with them- especially when someone else has to work in a slave factory where they put chain up to try and stop suicides. But that's nothing new, as No Logo was written years ago.

we have a recession- thats a dip from the unsustainable growth and living beyond our means. Thats nothing new. Wd are trying to steal other people's wealth as we used ours. That's nothing new- the British empire happily made land be used for our food and tea,and left natives to starve. Read about the Boxer rebellion.

Anyway, I don't have a love life, as I shouted at all the people who cared till they gave up. Or I hid away, and my house turned into a crazy obssesive hoarders' dream. Its taken me years to get over myself. Not the people who I knew. Myself. Yes, its time I was actually out there being part of the solution, not the problem and able to go put my mouth where my convictions lie. But to do that- I in common with the rest of us- need human company, and to be loved and liked.

For thst, I need to get over Steve's death. It happened. My mum- she was the way she was. Oh and all the other things that happened to me. Sure, I saw a few dead bodies, went and got punched and robbed from. So what? My body is less broken than I think, it was as much neuralgia from sitting getting cold and immobile.

whhttp://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2010/aug/01/elon-musk-spacex-rocket-mars

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/jul/19/afghanistan-pakistan-trade-deal
It only took 50 years !! to make this peace deal

http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/cif-green/2010/jul/19/funding-cuts-low-carbon-technologies

We invest in military R&D, not in tech that fixes the world.

Not that I am happy with the behaviour of my ex tenants, but if THIS is the sort of stuff they have been exposed to?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2010/jul/18/guide-punishing-jailed-youths